Listening to someone vs. Solving their problems :: Jeff Sargent ~ Inspired Design and Development

Sometime ago I learned a very valuable lesson:

Sometimes people want you to listen, and sometimes they want you to solve their problems. It’s important to know the difference.

This isn’t always easy

For a lot of people this can be very difficult advice to regularly apply. Some situations exacerbate the difficulty:

It’s your friend
Often one of the most friendly things you can do for someone dear to you is just listen to them. However, it’s natural to want to help your friend; after all, you care about them, right? Remember that listening to your friend and giving them a chance to vent can be more helpful than trying to give them advice on how to fix the situation they are in. Of course, if they are asking you for advice, go for it.
You’re male
Mileage may vary on this, but men have historically sought to be the savior of others, a knight in armor charging into battle against injustice. This can be especially prominent when you’re a male and your friend or colleague who’s speaking with you is female. I have no psychological or philosophical evidence to support this (though I’m sure there is some), but it’s been my observation. Refute as you see fit. Otherwise, try to sidestep your desire to take charge and right the wrongs; instead, listen thoughtfully.
You’re a problem-solver by trade
I’m looking at you, engineers, programmers, designers, architects, etc. That means I’m also looking directly at me. Our job, day in and day out, is to solve problems. It’s our passion as well as our trade. However, we also know that we have an audience, be they users, visitors, other coders, etc. We have to listen to them before we can solve the real problem they have, not the one we think we heard.

I’ve tried to follow this advice for several years, and been happier as a result. I imagine those around me are also happier when I’m not butting in to propose a solution to a problem I’ve only half-heard. Try it for awhile - I think you’ll enjoy the difference.

-Jeff

P.S. Looking for a designer or programmer who will listen first and fix second? Get in touch.

Bookmark to:
Add 'Listening to someone vs. Solving their problems' to Del.icio.us